Sally
29.10.2012
My Routine on the
Weekend
I wake up at 7:00 A.M. on the
weekend. Because I have worked at convenience store since April. I go to work at 8:00 A.M. After going to work,
I always calculate. However, I sometimes arrange stuff and
clean there. Convenience store where I work is don’t have customer so I have
many free time. I work
for one hour. Then, I watch drama or cartoon at 9:00 A.M. for 3 hours. Then, I
eat lunch at 12:00 P.M.
I bring my lunch but sometimes I buy it. Anyway, I study at 12:30 P.M. for 2
hours and half. After
finishing study, I leave work.
I have attend a sanctuary
since 8 ages so I go there at 4:00 P.M. I do a holy book meeting for 1 hour and half.
After finishing holy book meeting, I manage students. I had been middle-high
school student. Therefore,
I am a teacher naturally. By the way, I celebrate a mass at 7:30 P.M. for one
hour. After, finishing a
mass, I have a meeting with other teachers. Then, we are having a get-together every week. If I attend there, I think that mind and body
are tranquil. Therefore, I always go there every week.
Hello, Sally!
ReplyDeleteI read your essay well. And I want to tell you about my thoughts about your essay.
First, in 2 lines "After going to work, I always calculate." I think "After I arrived there, I usually do caculating work." will be more natural.
Second, also in 2 lines, "However~" you should change to "and" or "then". Because this sentence is equal to the previous one.
Third, in formal essay you should not use contraction. So you have to change it.
(For example, dont'->do not)
Fourth, in line 3 "~I work is don’t have customer~" you have two verbs. So you have to erase the first verb "is".
Last, in line 4 you should change "many" to "much" Because you can not count the time.
I think you are very good at structure. You write your weekend routine really specific and also write gradually. So I can understand it well.
However, I think there are more things that you should correct in second paragrahp. I hope you correct well with my advice. Thank you for reading my comment.
Have a good weekend!
Sally make sure this is 1 paragraph (not 2), and make sure you have a topic sentence, and concluding sentence. Also check your articles to make sure you aren't forgetting any. Finally - Sook has good advice :)
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